March 14: Cheney "Helps" Bernake

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11:03 AM EST Friday March 14, 2008

BehindTheCurtain: Mr. Bernake?

FedHead: I am quite busy Mr. Vice President, can this wait?

BehindTheCurtain: What's up?

FedHead: Bear Stearns is nearly bankrupt and we are trying to avoid a stock market crash

BehindTheCurtain: Welcome to my life

FedHead: I don't understand

BehindTheCurtain: I save the world every day...
BehindTheCurtain: Interested in any assistance?

FedHead: O.K. Dr. Evil, I could use some help

BehindTheCurtain: First, I don't appreciate that nickname
BehindTheCurtain: Second, the stock market solution is easy

FedHead: Sorry about the nickname - I'm listening

BehindTheCurtain: You need to inject money into the situation
BehindTheCurtain: Print a LOT of money

FedHead: How much?

BehindTheCurtain: A Milllllllllion Billlllllllion Dollllllllllllars!

FedHead: Isn't that inflationary?

BehindTheCurtain: Totally

FedHead: Well, I have to contain inflation AND hold interest rates

BehindTheCurtain: I see the conflict

FedHead: Under your plan either inflation goes up, up, up or interest rates go up

BehindTheCurtain: Ask yourself, which one doesn't matter?

FedHead: Well, inflation will make matters worse,
FedHead: But homes are not selling despite falling prices and low interest rates

BehindTheCurtain: So,...

FedHead: I raise interest rates to prevent inflation?

BehindTheCurtain: Nobody wants to see Budweiser cost as much as Heineken

FedHead: You drink Heineken?

BehindTheCurtain: No, but voters do

FedHead: I gotcha

BehindTheCurtain: As for Bear Stearns - they had it coming

FedHead: I kinda agree

BehindTheCurtain: I see it like this:
BehindTheCurtain: Bear Stearns is Iraq
BehindTheCurtain: They are screwed, blued and tatooed but there aint crap we can do about it

FedHead: o.k.......

BehindTheCurtain: J.P.Morgan is like Iran
BehindTheCurtain: They hate Iraq but they would take advantage of a situation if they could

FedHead: And buy Bear Stearns?

BehindTheCurtain: Exactly

FedHead: But together that's a bigger, smellier mess, isn't it?

BehindTheCurtain: It's like being in charge of sanitation in Iraq
BehindTheCurtain: You come to work every day and say to yourself: This is a crap job and I just don't know where to start

FedHead: I don't totally follow that but I see when needs to be done

BehindTheCurtain: Print money and bail-out the Bear, BUT stay on top of inflation

FedHead: Got it!

BehindTheCurtain: One thing, Ben...

FedHead: Wat's that?

BehindTheCurtain: If anyone asks, you need to say two things:
BehindTheCurtain: First, this is the "Bush-McCain America Plan"
BehindTheCurtain: Second, Hillary and Obama were not helpful and you had to go forward without them

FedHead: Not a problem
FedHead: Democrats don't understand economics anyway

BehindTheCurtain: Precisely!
BehindTheCurtain: You are starting to really understand
BehindTheCurtain: I will call you my "Little Evil Fed"

FedHead: Not sure I am ready for that, sir

BehindTheCurtain: Then this will be our little secret

FedHead: O.k.

BehindTheCurtain: Call if you need anything else

FedHead: Will-do

BehindTheCurtain: Bye...

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